It seems life the last few months has been rather eventful, for a lack of better words. I do not like the words "stress" or "worry". I believe they are words of the enemy. And I hate to use them in regards to myself, life or anyone close to my heart. Yet, somehow they seem to knock on my door from time to time. I do my very best not to open it and certainly not let it in. However, I will say these last few months brought on eventful situations that made keeping that door shut very difficult.....
Shifting gears a little, I am proud to say I am once again an Aunt to another beautiful little boy. My brother, Hunter and his wife, Audrey welcomed HARDY WAYNE HARPER into the world on November 28 weighing four pounds. Sadly, the little guy came 6 weeks early which made for a "stressful" and "worrisome" following two weeks. It is an awful feeling knowing a brand new life is struggling to live and there is absolutely nothing you can do for the little one, except pray. If you know me well you know my love for my nephews and niece, therefore it just about killed me having to wait two weeks to meet the little guy, while praying he would be ok in the meantime. Those two weeks made for very long days and nights. Thankfully little Hardy got to come home before Christmas and he is doing fantastic now!! I believe he actually weighed in at almost a whopping nine pounds this week! Hunter and Audrey are doing great and they fall even more in love with him everyday. But what's not to love..... he is such a cutie!
|Hardy Wayne Harper|
The Lords plans for us are not always the plans we have for ourselves. If you read the Word of God, aka the Bible, in states that clearly in Isaiah 55. "Your ways are not My ways," declares the Lord. This concept is so simple to understand yet so difficult to accept. Especially when it means Him taking someone so dear away from us at such a young age. It is human and impossible not to ask why. Why did Jamie get cancer? Why did God not heal her? Why do "bad things" happen to "good people?" Why does God allow "bad things" to happen to an innocent child or a helpless elderly? Why is life easy for some and hard for others? Why do people take their own lives? Why are some people healed and others are not? Why was Jesus innocently tortured physically and verbally? Why was he beat to the rim of death and then hung to suffocate? Why did God allow this to happen to His only child?
This heartbreaking experience with Jamie has caused many, many, many questions to flood my mind day in and day out. And I keep going back to the gospel of Jesus. Without knowing the story of the gospel of Jesus Christ, those "why" questions are simply unable to be answered. Life simply does not make a bit of sense and never will unless you know Jesus. This brings me to another question- How do people live this life without having Jesus in their lives? I have never been so appreciative of my beliefs as I am now. I now have a glitch of understanding of how immensely great His love is for me and why. I know what it means to depend on God.... To trust Him when nothing makes sense or when it feels He failed me. To depend on God is to have peace in times of distress. What does one have during disastrous times if they do not have Christ? Alcohol, food, drugs, sex, or whatever else can temporarily take one to a state of euphoria where the circumstance can escape them for the time being. It is ever so clear to me now that there is nothing we can fill ourselves with in attempts fix the problem of pain, hurt, anger, depression, sadness, and confusion other than Jesus Christ himself. Nothing else will ever satisfy or bring peace like Christ does.
|College days with Jamie|
I miss Jamie. Lots. I think about Jamie every morning and every night while I'm laying in bed. I think about Jamie throughout the day as I see and hear things that remind me of her. This experience has changed my heart more than any other experience in my life. I have never been the emotional roller coaster type, but I will humbly claim that I have been since her death. I didn't know how great of a friend I had until after she was gone. I saw Jesus in Jamie a lot of the time before she even got sick. I saw Jesus in Jamie even more during her sickness. And I see Jesus in Jamie most now that she is gone and with Him. I want to always remember the goodness that was in Jamie from her personality, dreams and goals to her relationship with God. There is no better way to remember those characteristics in her than to now make them a part of myself and I plan to strive for that everyday. I spent so much time thinking about her during her sickness and praying God would heal her, but I had no idea what a great work He would do in my heart through Jamie's circumstances. I have learned a new meaning of faith. I have witnessed what being fearless looks like and for that I am truly thankful. Jamie's pastor stated during her Memorial Service that God knew Jamie better than anyone and He saw that this world was not worthy of Jamie. She deserved much more than anything this world could ever offer her. I left her funeral chewing and holding on to those words because they were powerful and true.
I do not believe we will ever fully understand this life on earth or ever be completely content because we were not made for this life. We were made for another life, a life where all will be perfect because we are with The Creator of our souls in heaven.